Free Range Polyam

An Introduction

Hello and welcome to my site. My goal here is to share my journey, thoughts and other resources on non-monogamy, kink, power exchange and consent. I entered this world nearly 5 years ago, a newly single parent looking for passion in my life. My introduction into kink came from Dan Savage, and listening to his podcast, Savage Love. Through his show, I finally had the vocabulary and a framework for what I wanted in a relationship. When it was clear my marriage could not provide me with any of that, I choose to leave and haven’t looked back since. I’ve made many mistakes, and shifted in my desires throughout my journey. Although I’m constantly seeking growth and change, I have learned a few things along the way that I’d like to share.

My Journey

When I first found kink and non-monogamy, I entered very quickly into a 24/7 D/s power exchange relationship, where we practiced non-monogamy/romantic monogamy for four years. Over the course of that time, the relationship shifted and in the end, I found I needed more freedom to explore polyamory than what that relationship could provide.

I know now that for my relationships to thrive, I need to maintain complete autonomy. This allows me to treat each partnership, friendship or connection with the attention it deserves, without restrictions made by others. The relationship model I practice is commonly referred to as relationship anarchy. A brief manifesto of what that means can be found here.

Critics argue that RA is a selfish relationship model, but for me, it allows me to be more selfless because I can fully give myself to each partnership. At some point, I would like a nesting partner (a partner I cohabitate with), but I will still practice non-hierarchal polyam/RA regardless of whether I cohabitate or not.

SKILLS I PRACTICE IN POLYAM & KINK

Much of what I’ve learned relating to communication, and managing the real struggles of polyamory (insecurity, conflict, self-doubt) are derived from DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). I am not a practitioner, but I am an end user of DBT and have worked extensively with therapists, coaches and peers to learn and practice these strategies. For full transparency, most of my introduction to DBT has been as a parent-caregiver of a child who needed support. However, I have applied these strategies to all facets of my life with success.

Quick facts about me that inform my experiences & perspective

~ I live in suburban New England.

~ I am a parent to two emerging teenagers.

~Although I grew up in and still live in an economically privileged area, I have experienced life below the poverty line.

~I am a survivor.

~I am actively engaged in therapy. Experienced end user in CBT, DBT, and EMDR. Not a licensed practitioner of any type.

~I am caucasian with christian (non practicing) upbringing.

Although I try to be aware of how these identities frame my experiences and privileges, I make mistakes and assumptions. Please reach out to me if my words or actions ever cause harm or minimize the experiences of others. This can be done via email or an anonymous form found here.