Free Range Polyam

As a newer practitioner of polyamory, with relationship anarchy as my model, I find I spend a great amount of my time *thinking* about how I think.

It’s really fun inside my brain, I promise.

I often fall down rabbit holes inside my own head unpacking my own thoughts. I call it origami thinking because I unfold each thought to find even more folds in my mind.

One of the more useful processes I use to navigate different mental hiccups in polyamory is asking myself “is this problem rooted in residual monogamous thinking?” And, more often than not, my issues can be traced to this deeply embedded cultural norm that exclusivity is the only way to show love. Embracing RA as a relationship model has helped me say “fuck you” to all that, and not just (or even primarily) for my own gain.

It is freeing to not be able to ask or tell my partner to not do a thing out of respect for my feelings.

I’m released from the expectation that others have to modify their behavior to show they love me.

Rather than continuously feeling insecure, confidence in relationship is strengthened by each of partner maintaining their own autonomy. What better way to know that a partner is actively engaged in and choosing the relationship than to see them time and time again continue to choose you?

To be able to rationally engage in this internal dialogue, I often utilize DBT skills to help me walk the middle path. One strategy to to help with this is called “Check the Facts.” Future posts will dive deeper into this process, but to start, please look at the process linked here.